In my last post I talked about panic attacks. Todays post is all about preventing things from getting to that stage by managing your anxiety.
There’s something soothing about walking through the trees in my local park. I find it a useful stress release
If you’re like me and you suffer from social anxiety, it’s easy to fall into the trap of becoming totally isolated and disconnected from everything and everyone around you. Your home becomes your sanctuary and the only place you feel completely safe. You refuse to answer the front door or the telephone and pretty soon you’ve succeeded in cutting yourself off from the rest of the world.
Suddenly even the simplest of tasks becomes an ordeal and can result in mental exhaustion. As your avoidance behaviour gets worse you become reliant on family to do your shopping for you, even if you live on your own there’s always online supermarkets, so you really have no reason to leave the house.
Even though staying in like this may help you to feel more secure in the short term, in the long term it can only be detrimental to your health, both physically and mentally. Lack of interaction with people is likely to add to your depression. The longer you avoid going out, the harder it will be when you have to, and you’ll find your confidence will diminish rapidly. I’m no expert but I have experienced how this feels and know that the problem can quickly escalate and get out of control. In my opinion this is the time when you need to motivate yourself to keep going and challenge yourself daily. There are lots of ways you can do this but at the same time keep yourself safe.
Cancelling plans with friends might seem like the best thing to do, but then you find yourself sat at home feeling sorry for yourself and wishing you’d gone! Believe me I’ve been there several times, and the annoying thing is things are never as bad as you imagine them to be, so you’d probably end up having a good time.
Gradually as I’ve become more accepting of my illness I now choose to involve as many people as I can. This means I have to face fewer awkward questions about my health. Believe It or not in the past, such harmless questions as ‘How are you?’ ‘what you doing with yourself at the moment?’ ‘are you still working at such a place?’ ‘ married yet?’ ‘kids?’, such questions have led to me having more panic attacks than anything else and are still the main reason I avoid going into the town centre or anywhere busy I might risk running into someone from my past. I’m not ashamed to admit that in the past I’ve hidden myself behind shop signs and park benches, just to avoid having a conversation with an old work colleague.
An easier and less drastic solution is to have a well rehearsed script of answers at hand. For instance when I’m asked what am I doing with myself at the moment? I say that I’m a full time carer for my disabled mother and that I work part time for a hypnotherapy company. None of this is a lie; it’s just an exaggeration. My mother is disabled and requires plenty of support from me and I have a friend who’s a hypnotherapist and on occasions I have helped him out by distributing promotional leaflets.
Another question I’m often asked by friends is Are you getting any better? to which I reply that I’m trying my best and that I’m getting plenty of help at present. This appears to be a satisfactory response as I rarely get any follow up questions.
Much of my apprehensions come from fear of the unknown. Not knowing what’s around the next corner and not having a clue what’s expected of me. I find a good way to counteract this is to plan, plan, and then plan some more! Although you can’t plan for every eventuality, you can limit the number of surprises you get along the way. This can involve going somewhere at a certain time of day, when you know it’s going to be much quieter. Planning the route that you feel most comfortable with. For example when I’m in company I enjoy walking in picturesque surroundings but if I’m on my own this becomes extremely daunting and I much prefer to stick to the main roads. That way there’s plenty of cars passing by and I feel there’s less chance of me being attacked.
I often go out when the weather’s at it’s worse, if it’s raining I instantly feel more relaxed because there’s less people about on foot and less potential threats to me.
It’s human nature to worry about things, some of us just happen to do it more excessively than others! The fight or flight response is our bodies natural reaction to danger and goes right back to caveman times, when they had to respond quickly to life threatening situations. For those of us who find our anxiety getting out of control and ruling our lives, what’s the solution? Well there is no easy answer to this but I would suggest trying to slow down a little and put things into perspective. I’m now able to do this (some of the time!) and I put it down to discovering mindfulness. Using the breathing exercises and meditation techniques really helps calm me down. Allowing me to feel grounded and helping me focus on being in the present. When I have too much going on in my head, the overload of emotions can easily result in me having a panic attack. Being able to switch all this off and just concentrate solely on my breathing is of great benefit.
Remember also though that being anxious about certain things can be helpful. If the caveman hadn’t been anxious about the approaching dinosaur, he wouldn’t have lasted very long! Sometimes our fears keep us safe.